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Morning Ride: Off the clock is MY time!


2010
08.26

Posted in Life, My scribbles | No Comments »

I got caught in the rain earlier this week, on my way to work, and the first person that saw me responded by saying “Even when your soaked and wet you walk in with a smile.” My typical response is, “life is too short to not smile.” I have a real positive outlook on life, and refuse to let others cloud my day. The same smile I have when I walk into work is the same smile I have through out my day and is the same on my way out the door. No, my smile is not insincere, it’s actually an honest smile, since it is me at peace with myself.

I do not believe myself to be the nicest person, since I’m not! I have little patience for dealing with those who claim ignorance time and time and again, or those who talk down to others who are not even their subordinates(I’m not saying that’s it’s okay to talk down to subordinates, but it happens). I do understand that I must remain civil with all, whom I may have to deal with directly and indirectly. So my smile and overall demeanor at work and in everyday tends to be happy. Just because I may smile with you at work doesn’t mean we’re buddies and you’ll be invite into my next poker night.

See, at work at one and time or another we’ve talked about going out after work, for some food and drinks, nothing formal just Happy hour. You know in every job there are those who always say yeah, let’s do it, but seen to be the hollywood hangout type. The Hollywood Hangout is that old friend you see in the street and chat for a few minutes only to end up saying, “let’s hang out, call me”, yet when you walk away you realize you don’t have their number. Well I’m not like that, if I tell you we should get together then I’m going to organize it! I don’t do hollywood hangouts. If I never ask you how your weekend was, chances are that, I don’t care, nor we will be hanging out.

So I decide that to see if every one well almost everyone wanted to go out for happy hour. Over all I have some really cool co-workers, as is in life, nothing is perfect so there is one person who I just DO NOT click with, so one I didn’t attempt to invite the person. I invited my immediate co-workers, my fellow teachers, of which, this person is not. Ohh something else I don’t do, invite people and hope they say no, so I look like a nice guy for asking. Nope that is not me. I also stated that if the person where to show up I’d be excusing myself. I was told that, “that’s not nice”, and “how can you do that?” My reply was simple I’m on my time and what I choose to do on my time is after all, is my time, and that includes who I hangout with!

What makes the, situation, well it’s really not a situation, but what makes it funny is that, I’m not the only one who rather the person not go, I’m just the only one who will not only say it but not beat around the bush about it!

One of my pet peeves is people who are totally blinded to facts that surround them. If you as a person do not understand that there is a cause and effect for everything you do, and the negative aura that follows you is your doing, then I can’t honestly deal with you. I will say, I’ve had some wonderful work relationships with people, who to this day I would never spend my personal time with!

Have you ever worked with someone who believed everyone like them when in reality, most would rather avoid them?

Would you invite someone after work who you did not share any interest in getting to know?

How would you handle the situation?

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2 comments

2,920 Days in


2010
08.18

Posted in Life, Parenting, SLMB, family | 2 Comments »

Okay, this past weekend my son completed his first eight years. While nothing has changed with him over night, I do realize he’s no where close to the lil baby that was born 2,920 days ago, on Wednesday, August 14th, 2002.

The only real reason I remember the actual day of the week is that I had purposely taken that day off. Work was getting to me, so I requested HUMP day as a personal day, to shorten my week. The plan was to relax at home and do nothing, but watch TV and be online. Can you believe I had dial-up internet service and HD meant Hard drive, which had nothing to do with TV. Hey, I even had a flip phone, matter of fact it was a nextel, with no camera, and texting cost an arm and a leg then so they were rationalized. So in the past TWO THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED TWENTY days many things have changed.

My little man is on his way to third grade, and it amazes, me and THE WIFE, with how self sufficient he is, better said can be at times. Nothing neater than walking by the kitchen to see him getting himself some ice cream on his own accord. His typical response is “I’m just getting a snack to eat while I watch a movie”. He’s funny when he ask to play the video games, and we ask him how much time he has left. He stands there calculating, how much time, and how many days left in the week he has left. To finally decide that, he really doesn’t want to play. Yes, my son has a specific amount of video game time each week! So if he uses all it all in one day he can not play til the following week!

I wonder where the time is going, cause to me it seems like it was just yesterday when we brought home this little ity, bity little thing. He wore Newborn diapers, that fit like they were two sizes to big for him. At times I find myself staring at him, only to realize he’s my son, and the choices I make will impact him in so many ways. Then I question if I’ve made the right choices by him! I’ll never know 100%, if every choice I’ve made in these past 2,920 days were right, but I do know that they were made with him in mind, and so will the next 2,920 days when he celebrates 16, and the every day after that as well!

Call me! - MattCiscart: Offline

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What’s the Rush!


2010
08.09

Posted in Life, My scribbles, family | 5 Comments »

About a week ago my wife was out with our son. They were getting on the bus, when the driver informed her she would have to start paying for him as well. Granted he’s seven and about to turn eight, so its not like what the bus driver said was wrong or mean, we’ve just been lucky since my lil man isn’t the tallest, though he has started to sprout a bit this summer. This also happens to be the same time I find myself looking more and more at him. No longer does he have his baby features, as he starts looking more and more like a little young man.

Fast forward to this past weekend. I’m at a BBQ out in Jersey, it’s after sunset and the kids unable to run around, and are inside flipping through channels. When I walk in, my son is the one with the remote, he happens to stop at The Family Guy, which I tell him, that he knows he shouldn’t be watching that! One of the BBQ’s participants remarks something to the effect of “You don’t let him watch Family Guy, my son watches it, I don’t believe in sheltering him!” I responded by saying that “I don’t really shelter my son from life, and some shows are just not appropriate for kids”. This was not a question on the proper method of rearing a child, or some personal attack on me, so I kept it moving.

See, between me and my wife, she is the one that I would say shelters him. While I’m a bit open to letting him watch certain movies, shows, and cartoons she isn’t. I grew up watching adults, who while they didn’t sit around cursing, talking about drug, murder and mayhem, they did have ADULT conversations. When the discussions were deemed to much for the little ones I was sent away, though while we were there it did not give us the right to partake in what ever talks were happening. This is sort of my outlook with my lil man. I won’t run him off right before having a discussion, or watching a show, but will ask him to take a leave if the subject is something I believe to be to charged for him. This does not only apply to sex, murder, and mayhem but include race, religion, politics. I want my son to be a well rounded, but when it comes to cartoons like The Cleveland Show, Family Guy, and American Dad there’s just too much going on.

Do I feel like I’m sheltering my child at times? Nope, its never has it crossed my mind. My child is growing fast. Faster than I expected, so I will not expose him to what I deem, adult context. While I want him to grow up, I am in no rush for him to get over his childhood, since he will spend much more of his life as an adult.

So parents, how do you feel? Are shows like Family Guy, The Cleveland show, and American Dad cartoons appropriate for your kids? Is there a difference between cartoons and say an actual movie with the same themes? How do you decide if your child is ready or not for “adult context”?

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4 comments

One last lesson….


2010
07.28

Posted in Life, family | 4 Comments »

This is my first ever blog post or blog writing, whatever you call it. It actually took me some time to figure out exactly what I wanted to write about. In the scope of things it is kind of a daunting task to have what I would consider my friends, homies, peoples, fam see the real me, void of all safeguards exposed…. So, what have I have chosen to write about? Easy my moms, and the lesson she has taught me even after she has passed…

Two years ago I lost my mother, what at the time was the hardest thing I had ever lived through has become a never ending nightmare. As the days pass by I don’t know if it’s a result of me finally coming to terms or me just pushing it to the back of mind. But none the less I feel like a part of me is slowly dying.

I’ve tried to actually talk about it with some close friends but it becomes hard. Then you have to know that talking about death is a convo no one really wants to have. So no matter what you were doing when you bring that subject up it pretty much fucks up your day or evening depending on when you bring up the subject.

So what did I do? I spent 100 bucks an hour to talk to a complete stranger who was wearing a Mr.Rogers sweater writing in his pad “this Rican here needs to man the fuck up”. I don’t know about you guys but I could use those 100 bucks to buy me a nice bottle of scotch and drown my sorrows. **bbm thumbs up** so that didn’t last long.

So what options was I left with? I felt like I couldn’t talk to my friends because no one wants to be that “emo” friend. I sure as hell don’t want Mr. rogers laughing at me so I bottled it up. I learn to not talk about it. I smoked a shit ton of weed in hopes of not being able to remember anything when I woke up. Of course none of that worked. In the end I was  forced to remember the good and the bad times, forced to shed the tears. I laid awake night after night asking why me? Why now? Why can’t the pain stop.

In the end I’ll never have my questions answered. I honestly don’t think I want to know the answers at this point. I’ve learned that slowly but surely the pain subsides. The regret of not being the perfect son will never go away. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. People will argue different but in my eyes I view it as something to strive for. To be someone my Mother could be proud of “the perfect son”.

I slowly start to remember times I spent with her. Conversations I had with her. All things that at first hurt me so much to remember now heal the wound. In the end what I have learned from my past two years of grieving is that there is no “right way” to do it. Just as long as I don’t give up there is no wrong way to grief. SURE, people will tell you a hundred million things, but in the end you have to do what is right for you. That’s the most valuable lesson I can take away from all this. So I look up to the sky and thank her for giving me the most painful but helpful lesson I can ever have in my life, “Just do you”.  I love and miss her more than words can express….. Thanks mom.

-Jabba

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2 comments

…Friends?


2010
07.28

Posted in Life, My scribbles | 2 Comments »

About a week or so ago one of my twitter peoples @carolynedgar posted a link to a piece she did on her blog which you can find here.  The piece in question was about friendships.  She goes on to reflect upon two friendships in particular.
“…my two closest friendships, both spanning nearly 20 years, ended within months of each other.  And I still haven’t quite gotten over it.”

She goes on speaks of how and why they have changed from what they once was to what it is now.  She gives her take on the reasoning of why, and how it has affected her as well as them.

While I could discuss the differences between males and females in terms of friendship, I think that would be a disservice to her post, which is her personal reflections.  Rather, I will write my thoughts and experiences as far as friendships.

At thirty-fours years young, I believe I’ve come to have a decent view of those in my immediate surroundings.  As for true friends, I think if I lost a few digits, I’d still be able to count them on that same hand.  I can say, I do have several people that I’ve known for twenty plus years, who I consider to be friends of sorts, but true blue friends, I’m not sure.

My personal take on friends, is they’re like, life!  Constantly changing, and if life changes, why not friends.  So for me, I don’t see twenty year long friendship as a reality in ones early years.  I think it’s just almost impossible, for the same reason getting married at nineteen is, in this day and age.

My reasoning is that, for any relationship whether friendship or marriage to work one has to know one’s self.  Just imagine the difference of opinions one goes through between the four years of high school, or college.  How bout after studying abroad, or something as simple as moving to another neighborhood.  These are all life-changing, life-learning experiences which change us, and how often do we take the journey with the same person, and would two people grow in the same manner?  Don’t take this as me saying that friendships are worthless I just see them as over rated.  Sort of like some of the people on craigslist trying to charge you more than what they paid for and item, because they took good care of it and it’s special to them.

Some say, I’m not an emotional person, and see friends as disposables.  That is far from the truth.  Its just that people tend to hold on to things for our own personal, selfish reasons, just look around.  People keep friends because there safer than finding new ones. Like the people on craigslist over pricing items, we tend to give our friends more importance than they really are really worth.  I’ve had many friends who I no longer keep contact with.  The reason is that, I have changed and too they have changed.  It’s not that they are not good or that I’m not good. Its just we’re at different stages, we are at the end of the day on our own  journeys that just happen to have crossed paths.  Accepting that makes it easier to not only find friends but maintain them.  This goes into knowing yourself as a person, sometimes keeping a friendship can more disservice, so the best thing is to do is let them go!

I guess, I see friends like photos. Memories of times past, some good others bad. Even though I may not be in every photo, they are all a reflection of “ME”, at a specific point in time. I can always pull out the mental box of photos and re-experience those moments, that have lead to the person who now stands before the mirror every morning!

My mental photo box: Some of these people I haven’t seen nor spoken in ages, others I still keep in touch with, but all have touched me and have personally help me in my Life’s Journey in some way.

To David James,
the first kid to friend me when I started PS 124, way back in 1980. We shared all the same class all the way up into Junior High, he treated me like a little brother, and never let me sit in the back of the classroom, helping to keep me out of trouble!

To Oscar Jones
Who like DJ, I spent my elementary school years together. Who would call from time to time. One day after hanging up, he showed up at my door five minutes later, just to hang out and chill. My moms had just suffered a stroke, and I was going through the emotions. Not once did he mention it, he just hung out and chatted, giving me a mental break! Thanks, I really needed it!

To
Elizabeth Rodriguez,
Who is my first official, unofficial little sister. One of the first people I shared that I was adopted with, and having her own person adoption story, was the only person for a long time I felt could have any idea of how I felt. She also screamed at me when she found out I was alone for the weekend and all I had to eat the entire weekend was eggs and cereal (this was before I learned how to get down in the kitchen). Told me if I never had issues in the kitchen to give her call!

So be sure to check out the linked story by @carolynedgar and tell me your thoughts on friendships!

Share a mental photo of one of your dearest friends.

I’ll end this post with quote used by my moms often…
“Don’t tell me who you are, tell me who your friends are , and I’ll tell you who you are!”

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1 Comment

Looking through a picture box


2010
06.05

Tags: ,
Posted in Life | 1 Comment »

There’s no place like New York, better said I love NYC.  There’s something about hopping on the train or the bus, and watching people.  Its like digging into a box of pictures and looking at snap shoots of times past and thoughts of the possibilities of the future.

As I type this post on my blackberry a gentleman who looks to be in his early 40′s, is standing looking like a young  version of Isaac Hayes, down to the bald, and the dark sun glass rocking to tunes like “Purple Rain” by Prince and “My Prerogative” by Bobby Brown.  There’s nothing wrong with the music as this is the music I grew up with as well. Matter of fact I’m currently listening to “Just a friend” by Biz Markie which is from the same period and I definitely have Prince and Bobby Brown in my library of about 25k worth of music on my pc.  What separate’s me from this gentleman is the fact he’s also rocking the original sony walkman.. He even has the original head phones. This gentleman has settle with tech of the late 80′s early 90′s he’s not ashamed in any way which you can easily tell by how hard he’s rocking. His energy is jut infectious as I turn off my music to go back to the early 90′s with his music blasting!

My wife points out an elderly lady to me who’s sitting across from us. She’s older enough to have several little one’s who not only refer to her as Nana but who may even text her! My wife points out the fact that she has a nook, which she wants for her birthday.

Both the lady and gentleman are comfortable with the tech they use, for which I applaud both. It is these snapshots that I enjoy so much since they can at times they can challenge our preconceived thoughts. So next time your using public transportation take notice around you.

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2 comments

Forget Big Brother, what about MOM and DAD!


2010
03.15

Posted in Life, Parenting, family, relationship, values | 2 Comments »

Me and the wife picked up netbooks a few weeks ago, mind you I was supposed to be the only one getting one, but the wife couldn’t resist the urge.  Since we’ve gotten the netbooks the pc hasn’t gotten nearly as much use as it did prior to having the netbooks, a fact that our son has clearly pointed out to us.  He even hinted at moving the pc from the living room to his room, according to him he “doesn’t have to bother us anymore”.   We are also in the process of upgrading our phones to which again, lil man says now he can have his “own blackberry”.   Yeah he’s seven which makes these conversations surreal, but a realize its no longer 1982 and its not me who is 7 years old.

Earlier today while researching information on sprints next new blackberry on my number spot for blackberry info crackberry.com in the forums, I read a question posted by a parent in regards to their 15 year old who wanted a phone, and what the parent was researching for, is a program which he/she could use to in essence spy on what ever the daughter did on the phone. The thread was actually started early March 15th early morning, and was already 6 pages long by 4:30pm on the same day. That in itself is crazy, the tread turned into a right versus wrong as far as how far can a parent go, and how much privacy is a child really entitled to.  Myself with a lil man who seems to understand more about technology than I thought he was capable of understanding decided to read through most of the thread.  Many chimed in on the fact that if a parent is looking to such measures that the relationship between parent and child has other issues, while others have gone with the my house my rules approach, and feel the parent is in the right as far as spying or what they claim is “good” parenting!

Me personally do not agree with going to such extent to know what a child of mine is doing!   Say what you will, just because I’m the dad it does not give me the right to spy to such extreme or to be such a paranoid parent.   I think to give my son a phone with spy ware, especially with out him knowing is a betrayal on our relationship and everything I feel I’ve taught him.   The argument was brought up that life has changed and today things are worst than say twenty years ago. That to me is total crap, yes times have changed, but like everything we made the most out of the technology that was available then.   I grew up with beepers in high school and I made sure as soon as the skytel pagers came out I copped one (for those who don’t know the skytel pagers came with a 800 number and actual text message versus the basic call back number).  Do you think I didn’t find myself in trouble because it was easy to make plans and get together at moments notice, hell yeah!   Do you think if I founnd out my moms was spying, I wouldn’t have found other ways of keeping in touch, damn real! If my mother would have went to extremes of access to my messages, we would have had serious personal issues.   Only thing was my mom made it clear as I got older, “get in trouble with the law don’t bother calling me in the middle of the night, I’ll hang up you”(for the record, I have never gotten in trouble with the law).   My moms showed us by example, we could never point a finger and say but you do it.   When I was legally old enough to drink I’d tell her “I’m going drinking with some buddies,” and did she like it, nope not one damn bit.  The fact that she knew I went out drinking ensured that I walked through that door and said “mammita I’m home and good night”.   That wasn’t the end either cause no matter what, I had to get up for work in the morning.  I knew the moment I hung out and she had to wake me up for work, she’d be mad as hell and would have more fuel to beef with me about hanging out!  Yeah you might say that the age of the girl is different from my personal story but the rules apply. You can expect to be respected, by anyone who you yourself do not respect.

See my moms loved me and as any parent always wanted what was best for me, and though me and moms argued, and rarely saw eye to eye on anything.  One thing I love about her was that see let me be. Whether it was because when I came around she’d been worn down by five older siblings and  she was know doing it on her own with out her life partner who past away or just maybe she felt I would do what I had to do, it didn’t hurt to show her that I was responsible for myself.   My mom was as nosy as any parent is and honestly I expected that.  I always understood on some level that was love at work.   She never made an effort to go through my personal belongings even when they were out for her to see.  Why did I leave out to begin with TRUST.  If I can’t trust my mother then who.

My plan has always been to be a father to my sons first, a friend second.   I let him know now as a seven year old, yeah he’s my best buddy, but I am ALWAYS his dad first!  When he tells me stories he rather not share  it becomes our story.  I build with him every chance I can, I tell him I love him not matter what, and when he does something wrong I don’t lose it, rather try and make him understand.   From what I’ve gathered in these past seven years as a father is, that my son knows more than I think and, what he doesn’t he wants ME to show him.

Am I afraid of the peer-pressure my SLMB will face in this day and age, hell fucking yeah.  Will I let that fear guide me, hell no. Its that fear that drives, not just me, but my wife to ensure we give him the proper tools to make the right decisions.  My mother always said “you can take a horse to the rivers edge but you can’t make him drink”.  My son is not a horse but I will prepare him for life as best as possible. There’s many aspects to this subject and at no point do I claim to be right or know what’s best answer for this situations, but I do know life is about trials and tribulations.

  • Parents seriously how do you feel?
  • To those with young ones, would you add spy ware to your child’s cell phone with out their knowledge?
  • How bout those with children who already have cell phones how do you monitor your child’s activity?
  • Is it truly okay for a parent to monitor their child without telling them, or would you at least tell them?
  • Does anyone have first hand experience good or bad?

One thing to think about for those who say times have changed, 50-60 years ago it wasn’t unheard of kids dropping out of high school around 10th and 11th grade to find work and help the family!  So yeah times have changed kids are kids longer!   Leave me your thoughts and comments share your stories also!

One last thing on the thread someone responded by saying the daughter should just have her boyfriend buy her a cell phone!

  • How do feeling about that?
  • Would you really encourage you child to have a boyfriend or girlfriend by them a cell phone?
  • Isn’t that the wrong message to give a child?
Call me! - MattCiscart: Offline

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    Where’s Love?


    2010
    03.09

    Posted in Life, My scribbles, family | 3 Comments »

    I was just about to lay down and call it a night, when I got to thinking about a topic to write about, Love. I figured I’d call @nycitymama in the morning, as she loves to talk about her Husband whenever she has a chance, I wanted to see if we could do something about Love and relationships.  I was asked recently how do I keep the love up with my wife, we’ve been together almost nine years, married two in April, we also have a loving seven year old son together. Since I can’t quite fall asleep now I guess I tell you how we keep the love going.

    One thing I enjoy is when I make my wife blush. Yeah its simple, but ladies when was the last time your man made you blush? Its great to see my hot sexy wife blush (yep my wife is a milf). The look on her face when I whisper something semi-sweet and nasty in her ear is priceless. She’ll look down trying to avoid eye contact with a slight giggle, and what do I get out of it, a beautiful smile. Nothing is hotter than her genuine smile.

    Another thing is be a big kid, no I don’t mean to grab your ladies ass with both hands in the middle of times square and act like teenagers with no where to make out, but hey I just may swoop her up in my arms and plant a nice wet kiss while waiting for the light to change at the corner and, grab a cheek with one hand, I’m just saying.

    Next is make out! Yeah so what we’re married, there’s nothing wrong with watching a late night movie on the sofa and acting like teenagers (acting like a teenager is okay when done in the privacy of your home).

    One of the most important things to ensuring love doesn’t get lost in our HOME, is to expose our lil man to it. Not trying to preach but seriously how can my son love if he doesn’t know what it is. My son sees me kissing mommy and mommy kissing daddy all the time. We do group hugs and kisses just because. There is nothing more loving then to have your kid say “I think we need a group hug or kiss, come stand up daddy, stand up mommy”. So when I love my wife I am also teaching my son how to love, ensuring that love will be present in the next generation.

    So with these quick thoughts out of my head I can now lay down beside my wife.

    Tell me what do you do to keep the Love in your relationship or marriage going? Share your tips in the comments and who knows maybe you can help me write part two? Don’t forget to comment and to pass this along! Thanks and good night!

    Call me! - MattCiscart: Offline

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    Adoption: Unseen ties to the past.


    2010
    03.05

    Posted in Adoption, Life, family, values | 5 Comments »

    “I am the sum of all that has come to past before now”

    I’ve often had people ask me if I’d change anything about my life and  my response is always the same, “NOPE”.  I know I haven’t made the best choices nor have been happy with the consequences of my decisions, but honestly my life hasn’t been hard.  If anything I’ve lived my life through my choices and no one else’s when it mattered most, when I became an adult.  To me Life is a series of random events and how we ourselves respond to these events, which in turn lead to more random events.  Around the end of 2008 my little brother gave me a call and told me that he had found our biological grandfather, and an older cousin.  Our biological grandfather lives in upstate New York while our blood cousin lives in the Bronx, by Tremont off the D line* which I find rather funny.  I remember he had called me early in the evening and gave me the phone numbers to call, which I quickly wrote it down, but kind of put it off to the side once our call was done.  See while I’ve always know I was adopted and wanted to know about my life prior to adoption, I’ve had more of a laid back approach to actually finding our biological mother.  So thanks to my little brother this story in the series is all because of him, Love you Bro!

    I had dinner with my family and off course told my wife that my brother had found blood relatives, but it really wasn’t a discussion to be had.  While my wife is my biggest pain in the ass, also my biggest supporter, this was one subject she would not force.  Later in the evening I decided to call my grandfather.  I didn’t know what to really expect when calling, it didn’t help the Abuelo didn’t speak much english, and I on the other hand while I’m able to speak spanish, when it comes to dealing with emotions, the words in spanish tend to get lost with me.  My conversation with abuelo was short and according to him he only recalled seeing me a few times.  He was very happy to hear from me which I found very welcoming.  One thing though abuelo was expecting me to have news of Pilar (my biological mother), as it turns outs no one has heard from her since around the early 80′s.  After speaking with abuelo I called my cousin in the Bronx, and once again that feeling of welcoming was present.  I spoke with my cousin a bit longer than I had with abuelo, as she told me that she knew my mother and recalls seeing me with her.  I felt strangely happy to receive the welcoming I had received that evening, but still had one more call to make, my tio.  While it was already getting late I had no excuse not to call since there was a two hour time difference so I couldn’t even say it was to late to call, plus my cousin said he was expecting my call.  I called my Uncle and his wife answered.  When I said my name the first thing she told me was that, they had my original birth certificate, I don’t know bout anyone else but that means a whole lot to me.  That’s like proof of my existence, not to say I didn’t exist prior to that but there’s nothing like original documentation.  The birth certificate I have is from 1980 a few years after I was born, so knowing that not only did there exist a birth certificate for me, but it was safeguarded.  I spoke to tio who told me that just the summer before they were in New York and tried to find me as they had done whenever they came to New York.  We spoke for a good forty-five minutes and before hanging up I was given two more phone numbers.  Both numbers were for other uncles, one which lives in Florida and the other in Puerto Rico.  Over the course of one night, and a few hours, my family had increased in size with a few phone calls.

    One of the first questions I received when I did my first post on adoption was whether I was Latino by @shiftC which I said yes.  Like knowing that I was always adopted, I always new I was Latino and Cuban to boot, my adoptive family are also Cuban as my biological mother, and my grandfather who also came from Cuba.  What I did find out was that I have part Chinese-Cuban blood flowing through these veins thanks to my grandmother.  As for my biological mother, well she seems to have disappeared sometime in the early 80′s since no one has really heard or seen her since.  It isn’t really a topic of discussion though I personally would like to know.  From what little information I’ve gotten was at one point she got caught up with drugs, also that she got married and moved to Connecticut and had  a daughter giving me a little half-sister around the age of twenty-five or so give or take a few years.

    The other day my uncles daughter from Puerto Rico hit me up on facebook requesting me to friend her and it really got me thinking.  She’s only like nineteen or twenty and was ecstatic to have found me, we also spoke on the phone and she had to put her boyfriend on the phone since she’s like me, except with English, when she gets emotional the words are hard to come by.  He told me how she almost cried looking through my facebook profile. This incident makes me look back and think about all the thoughts I had on adoption, I never thought that my family would double in size.  I have still yet to find my bio-mom, but in the process I’ve have found out that I have been living in my biological families thoughts for the past thirty years, while I’ve only thought about my bio-mom.  It goes to show you that going back to the beginning isn’t about one but those who you have touched directly and indirectly, as my cousin who I speak about wasn’t even  born until the 90′s, yet she knows not just about her Aunt (my bio-mom) but me as well.  Para Los Castillo’s gracias por no olvidalme.

    *the Bronx, by Tremont off the D line*- anyone true native New Yorker is well aware that when giving directions outside of landmarks its easier to just state what train runs through the are, also Tremont off the D train is where I spent a lot of time hanging out in the early to mid 90′s. Basically hanging out rigaround where I had blood relatives living.

    Leave me your thoughts, question, ideas, or even share your story with me, I’d be more than glad to post others stories!

    Also trying to find information about finding someone (biological mother), it’s been about 30 years and not one person in the family knows where she is.  Any information on where to begin is appreciated!  Don’t forget to share this post and look at the others have I written on adoption.

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    Job opening: Housewife…The ideal women!


    2010
    02.20

    Posted in Life, sterotypes | No Comments »

    I happened upon a website the other day with a post titled “Do Black Men Prefer Dominican…“, after reading it I found myself at a lost for words in all honesty.  I’m not sure if the purpose of the post was or is to incite this feeling I have, which is by the way is sadness.  The funny thing is that it’s sadness not just for a title but for those who actually participated in the article.  The author of the post does not comment but, instead has three gentlemen which, give their respective thoughts of why they rather date Dominican women.  These three gentlemen are as followed, an attorney, a photographer, and an engineer.  Why specifically Dominican women were chosen, I have no idea except, maybe the fact the many joke around how a Puertorican women will cut you, and as far as Cuban women well I guess Castro has yet to let enough of them out for these gentlemen to pass judgement on then.  I’ll stick to just the Caribbean women as these gentlemen dare not wonder into Central and South America.

    First let me get into why the post made me sad.  While my initial response was more along the lines something extremely expletive, and I soon came to a feeling of sadness.  The fact that I am Latino and would be lying if I told you that’s not the picture we paint of our Latina women.  I grew up in Queens, New York, my family was about one of four latino family in an all black neighborhood, and as far back as elementary school I remember most of my friends telling me how they love watching channel 41 and 47 which happen to be our local spanish channels.  None of them knew what was being said on those channels but one thing was clear if you wanted to see hot sexy women you had to look no further.  At eight o’clock the spanish telenovelas would start on both channels, and if I remember correctly Thursdays at around nine or ten would be Los Cacucomicos ( spelling may be off a bit, latinos let me know), which was a spanish comedy show, I guess if I had to compare it with anything it would be like Mad TV, the only difference was the women were alway super hot.  Imagine an everyday house wife being played by an extra sexy women who barely fit the dress she wore.  The sketches would alway involved a hot girl.  So the sadness I felt reading the post on black-men choosing Dominican women is from the fact they we ourselves have help put this stereotype and have subjected our women to this outside view them.  Our latina women aren’t just sexy house wives who know how to take care of a man, no they’re not, and yes that’s the why we have portrayed them.  I know because, that’s why I enjoyed the telenovleas and the variety show, for the same reason my none latino speaking friends did do only difference at least I knew what was being said.

    Second reason why reading that post made me sad is for the gentlemen that actually participated in that.  Seriously all they did was show how insecure they really are about themselves, while at the same time painting black women as low life good for nothing, who complains too much for their liking, which is so untrue.  After reading the post it just seems like a wanted ad for a cleaning lady.  There are other social and cultural aspect I could get into about this subject, but I rather not as this time.

    So I ask the gentlemen this, do you agree with these gentlemen and their reasoning?  And what would you describe as your ultimate WOMEN, to stand by your side?

    Ladies my question for you whether latina, black, or white, and anything in between how do you feel about the description of the perfect women?

    Let me know your thoughts!

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