Me and the wife picked up netbooks a few weeks ago, mind you I was supposed to be the only one getting one, but the wife couldn’t resist the urge. Since we’ve gotten the netbooks the pc hasn’t gotten nearly as much use as it did prior to having the netbooks, a fact that our son has clearly pointed out to us. He even hinted at moving the pc from the living room to his room, according to him he “doesn’t have to bother us anymore”. We are also in the process of upgrading our phones to which again, lil man says now he can have his “own blackberry”. Yeah he’s seven which makes these conversations surreal, but a realize its no longer 1982 and its not me who is 7 years old.
Earlier today while researching information on sprints next new blackberry on my number spot for blackberry info crackberry.com in the forums, I read a question posted by a parent in regards to their 15 year old who wanted a phone, and what the parent was researching for, is a program which he/she could use to in essence spy on what ever the daughter did on the phone. The thread was actually started early March 15th early morning, and was already 6 pages long by 4:30pm on the same day. That in itself is crazy, the tread turned into a right versus wrong as far as how far can a parent go, and how much privacy is a child really entitled to. Myself with a lil man who seems to understand more about technology than I thought he was capable of understanding decided to read through most of the thread. Many chimed in on the fact that if a parent is looking to such measures that the relationship between parent and child has other issues, while others have gone with the my house my rules approach, and feel the parent is in the right as far as spying or what they claim is “good” parenting!
Me personally do not agree with going to such extent to know what a child of mine is doing! Say
what you will, just because I’m the dad it does not give me the right to spy to such extreme or to be such a paranoid parent. I think to give my son a phone with spy ware, especially with out him knowing is a betrayal on our relationship and everything I feel I’ve taught him. The argument was brought up that life has changed and today things are worst than say twenty years ago. That to me is total crap, yes times have changed, but like everything we made the most out of the technology that was available then. I grew up with beepers in high school and I made sure as soon as the skytel pagers came out I copped one (for those who don’t know the skytel pagers came with a 800 number and actual text message versus the basic call back number). Do you think I didn’t find myself in trouble because it was easy to make plans and get together at moments notice, hell yeah! Do you think if I founnd out my moms was spying, I wouldn’t have found other ways of keeping in touch, damn real! If my mother would have went to extremes of access to my messages, we would have had serious personal issues. Only thing was my mom made it clear as I got older, “get in trouble with the law don’t bother calling me in the middle of the night, I’ll hang up you”(for the record, I have never gotten in trouble with the law). My moms showed us by example, we could never point a finger and say but you do it. When I was legally old enough to drink I’d tell her “I’m going drinking with some buddies,” and did she like it, nope not one damn bit. The fact that she knew I went out drinking ensured that I walked through that door and said “mammita I’m home and good night”. That wasn’t the end either cause no matter what, I had to get up for work in the morning. I knew the moment I hung out and she had to wake me up for work, she’d be mad as hell and would have more fuel to beef with me about hanging out! Yeah you might say that the age of the girl is different from my personal story but the rules apply. You can expect to be respected, by anyone who you yourself do not respect.
See my moms loved me and as any parent always wanted what was best for me, and though me and moms argued, and rarely saw eye to eye on anything. One thing I love about her was that see let me be. Whether it was because when I came around she’d been worn down by five older siblings and she was know doing it on her own with out her life partner who past away or just maybe she felt I would do what I had to do, it didn’t hurt to show her that I was responsible for myself. My mom was as nosy as any parent is and honestly I expected that. I always understood on some level that was love at work. She never made an effort to go through my personal belongings even when they were out for her to see. Why did I leave out to begin with TRUST. If I can’t trust my mother then who.
My plan has always been to be a father to my sons first, a friend second. I let him know now as a seven year old, yeah he’s my best buddy, but I am ALWAYS his dad first! When he tells me stories he rather not share it becomes our story. I build with him every chance I can, I tell him I love him not matter what, and when he does something wrong I don’t lose it, rather try and make him understand. From what I’ve gathered in these past seven years as a father is, that my son knows more than I think and, what he doesn’t he wants ME to show him.
Am I afraid of the peer-pressure my SLMB will face in this day and age, hell fucking yeah. Will I let that fear guide me, hell no. Its that fear that drives, not just me, but my wife to ensure we give him the proper tools to make the right decisions. My mother always said “you can take a horse to the rivers edge but you can’t make him drink”. My son is not a horse but I will prepare him for life as best as possible. There’s many aspects to this subject and at no point do I claim to be right or know what’s best answer for this situations, but I do know life is about trials and tribulations.
- Parents seriously how do you feel?
- To those with young ones, would you add spy ware to your child’s cell phone with out their knowledge?
- How bout those with children who already have cell phones how do you monitor your child’s activity?
- Is it truly okay for a parent to monitor their child without telling them, or would you at least tell them?
- Does anyone have first hand experience good or bad?
One thing to think about for those who say times have changed, 50-60 years ago it wasn’t unheard of kids dropping out of high school around 10th and 11th grade to find work and help the family! So yeah times have changed kids are kids longer! Leave me your thoughts and comments share your stories also!
One last thing on the thread someone responded by saying the daughter should just have her boyfriend buy her a cell phone!
- How do feeling about that?
- Would you really encourage you child to have a boyfriend or girlfriend by them a cell phone?
- Isn’t that the wrong message to give a child?
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My son is only 5 months old, so I can only say what we will be doing. Both my husband and I are fans of the Free Range Kid parenting style (http://freerangekids.wordpress.com). It’s the opposite of helicopter parenting.
That having been said, every kid is different. I would’ve NEVER EVER done half the stuff my little brother did. And I’m only talking about the stuff he got caught doing (porn on the computer using mom’s credit, joyriding without a license). My parents had to rejigger their parenting style for sure.
@Theresa G thanks for stopping by, and yes parenting is all about switching up and not getting stuck with any one particular style, as children have a funny way of proving our prior thoughts are flawed! Its the basic cat and mouse game!